this email really make me cry.
i miss my dad,
my uncle..
> Mahal kong anak,
Sa aking pagtanda, unawain mo sana ako at pagpasensiyahan.Kapag dala ng kalabuan ng mata ay nakabasag ako ng pinggan o nakatapon ng sabaw sa hapag kainan, huwag mo sana akong kagagalitan.
Maramdamin ang isang matanda. Nagse-self-pity ako sa tuwing sinisigawan mo ako.
Kapag mahina na ang tenga ko at hindi ko maintindihan ang sinasabi mo, huwag mo naman sana akong sabihan ng "binge!" paki-ulit nalang ang sinabi mo o pakisulat nalang.
Pasensya ka na, anak. Matanda na talaga ako. Kapag mahina na ang tuhod ko, pagtiyagaan mo sana akong
tulungang tumayo, katulad ng pag-aalalay ko sa iyo noong nag-aaral ka pa lamang lumakad.
Pagpasensyahan mo sana ako kung ako man ay nagiging makulit at paulit-ulit na parang sirang plaka. Basta pakinggan mo nalang ako. Huwag mo sana akong Pagtatawanan o pagsasawaang pakinggan.
Natatandaan mo anak noong bata ka pa? kapag gusto mo ng lobo, paulit-ulit mo 'yong sasabihin, maghapon kang mangungulit hangga't hindi mo nakukuha ang gusto mo. Pinagtyagaan ko ang kakulitan mo.
Pagpasensyahan mo na rin sana ang aking amoy. Amoy matanda, amoy lupa. Huwag mo sana akong piliting maligo. Mahina na ang katawan ko. Madaling magkasakit kapag nalamigan, huwag mo sana akong pandirihan.
Natatandaan mo noong bata ka pa? Pinagtyagaan kitang habulin Sa ilalim ng kama kapag ayaw mong maligo.
Pagpasensyahan mo sana kung madalas, ako'y masungit, Dala na marahil ito ng katandaan. Pagtanda mo, maiintindihan mo rin.
Kapag may konti kang panahon, magkwentuhan naman tayo, kahit sandali lang. Inip na ako sa bahay, maghapong nag-iisa. Walang kausap.
Alam kong busy ka sa trabaho, subalit nais kong malaman mo na sabik na sabik na akong makakwentuhan ka, kahit alam kong hindi ka interesado sa mga kwento ko.
Natatandaan mo anak, noong bata ka pa? Pinagtyagaan kong pakinggan at intindihin ang pautal-utal mong kwento tungkol sa iyong teddy bear. At kapag dumating ang sandali na ako'y magkakasakit at maratay sa banig ng karamdaman, huwag mo sana akong pagsawaang alagaan.
Pagpasensyahan mo na sana kung ako man ay maihi o madumi sa higaan. Pagtyagaan mo sana akong alagaan sa mga huling sandali ng aking buhay. Tutal hindi na naman ako magtatagal.
Kapag dumating ang sandali ng aking pagpanaw, hawakan mo sana ang aking kamay. At bigyan mo ako ng lakas ng loob na harapin ang kamatayan. At huwag kang mag-alala, kapag kaharap ko na ang Diyos na lumikha, ibubulong ko sa kanya na pagpalain ka sana ... Dahil naging mapagmahal ka sa iyong ama't ina...
Written by Rev. Fr. Ariel F. Robles
CWL Spiritual Director
St. Augustine Parish
Baliuag, Bulacan
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Letting Go
--its not the fall that will hurt but the sudden stop... jealousy is not healthy, it crushes your soul down. Its a sign of doubt, of having no trust to the one you love or you thought you love...
i certaintly believe that love and trust comes together. but then again, for the nth time, let me ask, is trust the same with understanding?
what if youre tired of everything.
im tired of saying sorry
im tired of explaining myself.
im tired of understanding.
its about time that once again, to think of myself...
but then, i have to wait for him to tell me to give up, and for the time that he'll tell me to stop and the time that he'll finally tell me.."REM< thanks, I dont need you now."
it would hurt but i hope it would for soon.
i dont want gathering my pieces again.
anyways, its not him thats worthy of this love, so better to hold back all these emotions..
he is not deserving of this.
i am not deserving of what he is giving me.
it has to stop. its about goodbye.
its about letting go now.
"REPEATED EXPERIENCES HAVE ONE AIM: TO TEACH YOU LESSONS YOU REFUSED TO LEARN."
i certaintly believe that love and trust comes together. but then again, for the nth time, let me ask, is trust the same with understanding?
what if youre tired of everything.
im tired of saying sorry
im tired of explaining myself.
im tired of understanding.
its about time that once again, to think of myself...
but then, i have to wait for him to tell me to give up, and for the time that he'll tell me to stop and the time that he'll finally tell me.."REM< thanks, I dont need you now."
it would hurt but i hope it would for soon.
i dont want gathering my pieces again.
anyways, its not him thats worthy of this love, so better to hold back all these emotions..
he is not deserving of this.
i am not deserving of what he is giving me.
it has to stop. its about goodbye.
its about letting go now.
"REPEATED EXPERIENCES HAVE ONE AIM: TO TEACH YOU LESSONS YOU REFUSED TO LEARN."
Some things are better left unsaid…
There Are Things Better Left Unsaid "there are questions that need to be asked at just at the right moment..."
Some things are better left unsaid…
There was a time, I turn a corner in my life and everything changed. A stranger was standing there. In sun or in shadows. It doesn’t matter. He was standing in that corner. He was there for me. He move the pieces on the board when I am not looking, wipe tears in my eyes when I though I am laughing and place them in my tongue so I will recognize the taste, wince at the saltiness.
It happens the time when I carefully planned my life, the most protected time of my life. Time in my life when I have put miles around it. A life that have been built far out in the wilderness, under the naive assumption that no hunter will fin me. But a life like this, a life like mine is already like endangered specie, in hunting season, I’m one of the first to go.
I see my life this way and I have examined the interior parts of myself, testing for reflexes, searching for what is still alive and what have died. Something had died, that much I know but by now, so much time had gone by.
It’s all about surrender. It’s about wondering whether fear or trust is leading me and whether or not it matters. It’s about wondering if I am ever younger than this or if I will ever be older because there is a circle drawn around one single moment and time exists outside that circle like a dream I cannot remember. It’s about lying down with danger and closing my eyes. It’s about opening my eyes ad seeing him above me and I’m not being able to imagine it any other way.
Often, its people like me who thought we are the strongest and have spent years guarding the soft spot of our soul who willingly approach the stranger as we round the corner. I though that he’s not there for me, until, I discover that he is there. He always was but by then, it’s too late.
One day, when is searched my own inner landscape, I found his fingerprints everywhere. And no matter how hard it rains; the fingerprints stayed and will forever stay.
Maybe this is how it happens, I met him and its like I already know him and there are questions that need to be asked at just at the right moment or they might as well not be asked at all---
Now let me asked you, was there a time when I wasn’t saying yes to him? Yes there are many questions and the only possible answer is YES.
---There were many questions I should have asked him and even more things that I should have shared with him--yet, id keep quiet, silently cutting some of the strings that are supposed to keep us together. Now when I think about it, I don’t see strings. I see lifelines severed by the things I didn’t say.
The only thing I am certain of was that I will never again as safe as protected as I once believed that I am..
Some things are better left unsaid…
There was a time, I turn a corner in my life and everything changed. A stranger was standing there. In sun or in shadows. It doesn’t matter. He was standing in that corner. He was there for me. He move the pieces on the board when I am not looking, wipe tears in my eyes when I though I am laughing and place them in my tongue so I will recognize the taste, wince at the saltiness.
It happens the time when I carefully planned my life, the most protected time of my life. Time in my life when I have put miles around it. A life that have been built far out in the wilderness, under the naive assumption that no hunter will fin me. But a life like this, a life like mine is already like endangered specie, in hunting season, I’m one of the first to go.
I see my life this way and I have examined the interior parts of myself, testing for reflexes, searching for what is still alive and what have died. Something had died, that much I know but by now, so much time had gone by.
It’s all about surrender. It’s about wondering whether fear or trust is leading me and whether or not it matters. It’s about wondering if I am ever younger than this or if I will ever be older because there is a circle drawn around one single moment and time exists outside that circle like a dream I cannot remember. It’s about lying down with danger and closing my eyes. It’s about opening my eyes ad seeing him above me and I’m not being able to imagine it any other way.
Often, its people like me who thought we are the strongest and have spent years guarding the soft spot of our soul who willingly approach the stranger as we round the corner. I though that he’s not there for me, until, I discover that he is there. He always was but by then, it’s too late.
One day, when is searched my own inner landscape, I found his fingerprints everywhere. And no matter how hard it rains; the fingerprints stayed and will forever stay.
Maybe this is how it happens, I met him and its like I already know him and there are questions that need to be asked at just at the right moment or they might as well not be asked at all---
Now let me asked you, was there a time when I wasn’t saying yes to him? Yes there are many questions and the only possible answer is YES.
---There were many questions I should have asked him and even more things that I should have shared with him--yet, id keep quiet, silently cutting some of the strings that are supposed to keep us together. Now when I think about it, I don’t see strings. I see lifelines severed by the things I didn’t say.
The only thing I am certain of was that I will never again as safe as protected as I once believed that I am..
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