I know you’re going through a rough time right now. You’re thinking that I don’t get your point, but I do. Maybe, I want you to stop thinking that way. I don’t want you to feel that way but I can’t help it. You’re entitled to every emotion that you feel.
I know how much you love me. I have no doubt in that. I know you’re scared. I’m scared too. I know you’re not that type of person who says things. You show them. I feel and I believe in your love.
Maybe I don’t really understand you that much. I just don’t want you to live in your “What if’s”. I told you before. Everything happens for a reason and every decision we make comes a consequence that we need to face.
We were separated for 2 years. It was my decision. I broke up with you for the reasons you know. You seen me hurting and in pain. And yes, you tried talking me out of it. I didn’t listen. I choose not to listen and not to believe you that time. I have every right that was my decision. You tried reaching out to me while we are still together in Bataan but I closed myself. I made myself look busy and told you that there’s nothing we should be talking about. I choose that. You choose to let me be.
I left. I hide. I hibernate. You can still find if you really want. I believe that you did your part. I believe that you tried hard to reach for me. You keep yourself updated with what is happening in my life. You know you can call me through my mobile phone. You can meet me at home. You can send me message through FS or through my email. But did you do that? No, because you thought that I was happy with my life. And I know how much my happiness means to you. You keep silent all those years that we’re apart. While I’m silently praying, in my sleep and in my dreams that you will come back and picked me up. But you never did.
I could have done the same thing. I can send you an email. I can call you. I can reach you through Jon or Les or Roxie. I can come over to your house to talk to you but I choose not to. Why? It was because of pride. Because I’m thinking that if you really love me, you should be the one looking for me. You should come to me. And I forgot that if I love you, I should do whatever it takes to get to you again. But my pride eats me up. And I was scared to know what lies ahead. I keep on wondering.
Honestly, I was surprised when you send me a message in my FS. When you texted me. It was an answered prayer. And I feel so great. When I first I saw you again, after two years, I was really afraid. And I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid to look back through that pair of dark eyes that I long so much to see again. I’m afraid that you might see the emotions deep inside of me. That my eyes might gave me up. And it did give me up. But it was such a relief because that moment, I finally got back home. I was right home. Back in your loving arms. I finally got back the missing piece of my life. I started to dream again and I was right back on track. I know from that from point on, the answer to the question: what do you really want in your life. The answer is to live my life with the one person I truly love. I got all my answers in one night. And from that night on, I started my life again. I’m finally happy again. I’m really happy.
I’m just afraid of what is happening with you. You keep things to yourself. Yeah, you’re right to believe that, “What you don’t know, wont hurt you” and I know you don’t want to crash and burn. I know there are things that you want to ask me, but you’re afraid of the answers that I might give you.
I know you’re still the jealous guy I once knew. I know you want me to keep by yourself. But you also know that you can’t keep me with you that way. You know that you need to let me grow on my own. To be known as REM ROSE. I know you trust but you don’t trust yourself. I know how much you want me close but I choose not to. I want to be with you but I want to keep myself. I want you to be Jerrold, to be Jed. And I want me to be me. And I want us to us. I believe that we can’t be US not unless we are both REM and JED.
It’s been a long time. A lot of things have changed. You changed. I changed. But we’re going to make it. I love you so much and it was always been you.
Non dang sin eul sarangheyo, nayi agi!
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